Winner at a Losing Game
by Moluvsnumber17
Summary: Post Eclipse. Bella goes to find Jacob.
1. Chapter 1

**Description- Post Eclipse, Bella goes to find Jacob.**

**Disclaimer- All characters and already created plotlines belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N- This is just an idea I had. I love Jacob and in my world at least, he won't get the shaft. This is not a Bella/Jacob story (I am being realistic here) but there are some moments, so diehard Bella/Edward fans may not appreciate it. But if you love Edward and Jacob give it a chance. It's not completely done yet, but I'm going to try to have it finished before Saturday (cause if I don't everyone will be too busy to read it...lol...). **

**--**

It had been over half a century since I'd been back to this place; Forks. It still looked almost exactly the same. I was surprised they hadn't done much remodeling. I drove past an abandoned building and it took me a moment to realize it was my high school…or the high school I had spent my most life changing years; And my last years of life.

It had taken me a while to see why Charlie had loved this place, but now I could see it. Even in this century it remained virtually untouched by the outside world. I'd been all over the United States, Asia, Europe, and South America but there was no place in the world like here.

I knew I was getting close to my destination now. Sixty years was a long time and I didn't know if this trip would go the way I wanted it to, but I hoped that it would. It had taken me years to get up the courage to come back to this place, but I couldn't put it off much longer or it would be too late. With a last glance in the rearview mirror I brought the red mustang to a stop in front of the reservation.

Ten days. 240 hours. 14,400 minutes. 864,000 seconds. And then I would be married. It was an odd thought, one that still made me grimace. I really didn't want to get married…at least not yet. I was too young. Charlie had made sure I knew that. I could still remember the conversation.

"_I'm getting married."_

_He spit out the coke he'd been drinking. "What?!"_

_I attempted a smile and shrugged._

"_You're joking. I hope to God that you are joking. You're only eighteen."_

"_I know."_

"_You just got out of high school, Bella. You're so young."_

"_I know," I repeated._

_I winced as I waited for him to yell at me; to tell me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life and that he would never allow it. But the words never came. I glanced up at him and tried to read his expression. His next words surprised me._

"_Are you sure this is what you want?"_

"_Yes, dad, I'm sure."_

But was I sure? Not entirely. I loved him, no question, but was I ready to make such a commitment? And suddenly it seemed like I wasn't really talking about marriage anymore. I was talking about a much bigger, much longer, commitment. It was what I wanted…really it was…but maybe Edward had been right about waiting. Maybe a few more human years would do me good. If the Volturi didn't come looking for me that is.

A year and a half ago I never would have believed someone who told me I would be getting married and becoming a vampire before I was nineteen. It seemed insane, and I was well aware of that; too aware.

And I thought of Jacob. The new hole in my heart ached. I would probably never see him again. He said we could still be friends, even if I was a bloodsucker, but I wasn't even sure that I would still be me, and I doubted that the tension between vampires and werewolves would disappear for me. I was not that lucky.

The worst part about dying was losing him. And I knew that no matter how hard both of us tried, things would never be the same. We had had what could possibly be our last conversation and that bothered me more than I wanted to admit. It was times like these that I was really glad Edward could not read my mind. He said that he understood, but did he really, or was he just saying it for my benefit? He always seemed so sincere, but how could a guy be okay with the fact that his girlfriend had feelings for another guy?

I tried to shake the thoughts out of my mind and listen as Alice talked about flowers and dresses and cake, but I couldn't.

I couldn't not see him one more time. I knew that it was probably a bad idea, but suddenly that didn't matter. He was my Jacob and as much as I wished I didn't, I loved him. And worse…I needed him. I had to talk to him even though I had no idea what I was going to say.

--

When I got to La Push I parked my truck in its usual place. It seemed unusually quiet outside today. I made my way to the front door and knocked. After a few moments it opened to reveal Billy.

"Hello Bella." He didn't look happy that I was here, but he didn't look mad either. Instead he looked sad almost. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I need to talk to Jacob," I said.

"He's not here," Billy told me.

Not here? He had to be here. Where else would he be? 'A number of places,' my brain told me, 'probably with Sam and the others.' I followed Billy into the house and closed the door. He had his back to me so I walked around to the other side of his chair.

"When is he coming back?" I asked.

Billy looked at the floor without answering. When Billy was silent, it worried me. I felt my heart speed up. There was something going on. What was he not telling me?

"Billy?" I asked, "Where is he?" My voice sounded somewhat panicked. Maybe it was the way Billy was acting, or maybe it was the thought that something may have happened to him.

He shook his head, still not answering.

"We don't know."

I turned to see the owner of the voice coming into the room. It was Embry.

"You don't know?"

"He took off a couple of days ago."

Took off? Where, where would he go? Why wouldn't he tell anyone? Then a thought occurred to me. If he was in werewolf form that meant the others could hear what he was thinking.

"Couldn't you just…you know…turn and listen for him?"

"We tried that, Bella. He's doing a good job at keeping us out. We did hear enough to know that he doesn't wanna be found right now."

"Oh."

"There's something else," he said. "Sam was near him when he took off. He sort of…heard him thinking something."

"What?" I demanded.

He hesitated, as if afraid to tell me.

"What?" I tried again, more forceful this time.

His eyes met mine as he answered. "He was thinking about staying a werewolf…forever."

The reservation looked even more the same and I was reminded of the many days I'd spent here in those months of my depression; the time when he'd been the only one who could make me feel anything but sadness.

I pulled the car to the side of the road and got out. It wasn't sunny out today so I wasn't worried about "standing out" from everyone else. I could have driven to the house he used to live in, but I wasn't sure he even still lived on the reservation, much less in the same house. Not to mention I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself and driving around in a brand new mustang might do just that. I spotted a girl skipping down the road. I quickly moved after her and called to her.

"Hey."

She stopped and turned back towards me. She gave me a suspicious look.

"Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah, I'm looking for someone and I was wondering if you could help me out. His name is Jacob Black."

She thought for a moment and then answered. "He's on the beach with all of the other stinky boys," she said wrinkling her nose.

I stifled a laugh. I supposed she was still in the 'boys have cooties' faze.

"Thank you."

I headed to the beach, but took my time walking at normal human speed. I wanted to take in the surroundings. When I finally reached the beach I saw a group of boys kicking around a ball and yelling at each other. I stepped closer and tried to make out any faces.

And then I saw him. He looked exactly the same…only smaller somehow. I wondered why he'd decided to stay a werewolf when there were no vampires around.

'Because of you,' my mind yelled at me, but I managed to suppress it. This trip was not about making myself feel guilty.

I planned to watch them play a little longer before approaching. It was getting dark and I assumed they would be heading home soon. Unfortunately, my plan was squashed when they saw me. All of them stopped and stared. It had taken me a while to get used to that; the staring. Now I knew how Edward and his family had felt for a hundred years.

They began whispering amongst themselves and finally one was pushed out in front of the crowd. Thankfully the very one I had come here to see. He approached me slowly and I noticed all of the boys behind him still staring, but now in anticipation as to what would happen.

"Hello," he said when he reached me.

"Hi," I replied.

"Can I help you?"

"Are you Jacob…Jacob Black?"

My stomach dropped.

"What do you mean forever?" I wanted to know.

"I mean never transforming back into a human again."

No…no, no, no, no. He couldn't do that. He wouldn't.

"Can he do that?'

"He wouldn't be the first," Billy said.

I turned back towards Jacob's father.

"When…when did he leave?" I asked him.

"A day or two ago; after I gave him that." He point to a letter sitting on the table. "Now I wish I hadn't."

I walked over and picked it up. My whole body froze. It was the wedding invitation. The one I told Edward not to send. Then I saw the letter with it. I scanned over it.

"I…I'm sorry. I told Edward not to…"

"Well he did, didn't he?" Embry asked rather perturbed. "Nasty bloodsucker."

I ignored his comment. At least the letter didn't say 'Haha I won.' He was just trying to do what he thought was right.

"Why would he want to stay a werewolf?"

Though I could understand why it would hurt him to receive the invitation and letter, I still didn't know why he would want to stay a wolf. How would that fix anything?

"When we're in wolf form…it's easier to quiet our emotions; especially pain."

Of course. I felt sick. He wanted to stay a wolf so he didn't have to hurt. Why did the world have to be so unfair? I couldn't let him do this. I had to do something.

"I'll find him," I told them.

They both looked at me skeptically.

"And I'll bring him back."

"Bella, I don't think…" Billy began but I cut him off.

"I'll find him." Before either of them had a chance to say anything else I left the house and headed back to my truck.

There was a wedding to plan, and I was supposed to be meeting my mother at the airport Wednesday morning. I had so much to do and not a lot of time to do it in. And yet the only thing I wanted to do was look for my friend. He was out there somewhere alone.

I had to find him.

The boy looked at me in confusion.

"Yeah, do I know you?"

The words stung me more than I would have liked. But why should I expect him to remember me? It had been almost sixty years.

"I'm Bella," I said hoping he would remember. The look on his face told me that he didn't.

"Nice to meet you…Bella."

"You don't remember me do you?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Sorry no. But are you sure we've met. I think I would have remembered someone as pretty as you."

If I could have blushed I probably would have. It wasn't like people didn't tell me that all the time, it just meant more coming from him.

"Oh, well, I guess I should be going then," I said slightly defeated.

I wanted to talk to him some more. I wanted to tell him about all of the things we used to do together. I wanted him to remember. But what was the point? Maybe he didn't remember for a reason. I turned and started back to the road when I heard his voice behind me.

"Wait!"

"Bella, you can't go."

"Let go of me," I said failing to pull my arm out of Edward's grasp.

"I'm not letting you drive off to God knows where. Anything could happen to you, or did you forget who you were for a moment?"

He smiled and tried to lighten the mood.

"How could you? How could you send that to him? I knew it would only hurt him."

He sighed and let my arm drop. "I just wanted to give him the choice that I would want. I didn't know he would run away. I would never do anything to hurt you."

"I know."

This time I let him put his arm around me.

"Billy said they don't know where he is. He's blocking his thoughts."

"I'm sure he'll come back," he said.

"But what if he doesn't? His dad needs him and I…" I couldn't finish because I didn't want to hurt Edward.

"You need him too. I understand that, Bella. He's your best friend."

Why did it seem like he always understood? Maybe it was a vampire thing.

"I'm glad that you understand. And I hope you'll also understand why I have to find him."

"Bella…"

"Please. There's no way I can concentrate on the…wedding…not until I know that he's okay."

He sighed.

"Fine, but I'm going with you."

"No, you're not."

He looked surprised.

"And why not?"

"Because…" I searched my brain for an answer. "Because you have to help with the planning. You want everything to be perfect right?"

"Everything will be perfect as long as you're there."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks…but seriously."

He gave me a look. "Why do you _really_ not want me to come?" he asked.

I didn't figure he would fall for my planning bit. "I just think it would be better if you weren't there when I found him. It might upset him even more and I don't want there to be a fight…of any kind."

I didn't want either of them to get hurt and I was afraid that if Jacob was in wolf form he might be the first to attack. And of course Edward would defend himself. I didn't need that to happen.

"Well, you're not going alone. It's too dangerous."

"I think I can handle it."

He raised his eyebrows at me.

"You're taking someone," he said.

"Fine, I'll ask Alice."

"She is busy planning our wedding you know."

"It wouldn't hurt to ask."

--

"I still have a lot to do here," Alice said. "But if you really need me to go…"

"No, it's fine."

"Are you sure? I mean you really can't go alone."

"One of us can go with you," Emmett said pointing to himself and Jasper. "Tracking down a dog…it could be fun."

He looked excited by the prospect. I looked around at all of them. Who did I want to take with me on my Jacob hunt?

"I'll take Rosalie."

All five vampires looked at me with mouths agape. They clearly hadn't expected that. I can't really explain why, but I wanted her to go with me.

"Me?"

"Yeah."

She looked at me skeptically. "Okay."

I was relieved when she agreed.

Now I just had to make up an excuse to give my dad. Edward drove me home and I packed a bag. I told my dad that Alice wanted to have a sleepover so we could finish sorting out wedding details. He eyed Edward when I told him this and he quickly told Charlie that he, Emmett, and Jasper were going camping for the weekend. He agreed but reminded me that I needed to be back in time to pick my mother up from the airport. I promised I would but wasn't sure that I would be able to follow through. When we got back in the car Edward was the first to speak.

"You're getting really good at lying to your dad."

"Yeah," I replied absently. I was and that was a good thing. In a few weeks I would have to make him think I was away at college.

We drove in silence a moment. I was lost in my own thoughts. It had seemed like such a good idea to run off and find Jake, but I hadn't really stopped to think that I had no idea where to start looking.

"How are we ever going to find him?" I asked.

"I don't know," Edward replied. "Maybe you should call his wolf friends and see if they've heard anything."

I nodded and he tossed me his cell phone. I dialed the number to Jacob's house and after a few rings someone answered. I could tell right away that it wasn't Billy. The voice was of a younger male.

"Hi, it's Bella."

"Oh, hey Bella. This is Quill."

"Hey. Look, I was just wondering if you'd heard anything."

There was a pause on the other line.

"Quill?"

"Yes."

"Yes, you heard something?"

"Earlier today. Sam picked up his thoughts."

"Where is he?" I asked. I noticed Edward looking at me from the corner of my eye. He could probably hear everything Quill was saying.

"He doesn't want to come home. He doesn't want any of us coming after him. Sam thinks it would be a good idea for us to leave him alone for now. All of us."

I knew that this 'all of us' included me. They wanted me to leave him alone. But how was I supposed to do that when I was the cause of his leaving in the first place. Of course I had to do something.

"Where is he?" I asked again hoping he wouldn't put up a fight in telling me.

"I don't think…" he started but I didn't let him finish.

"Please Quill. I have to do something."

I heard him sigh. "Fine, but don't do anything stupid okay? He is still in wolf form. We're more dangerous that way."

"I know, I know," I said trying to get him to hurry up and tell me.

"He's in Utah, near Salt Lake."

"Thanks."

"Bella," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Be careful okay? And try to understand that he's not trying to hurt you or anyone else by being away."

"I will." I hung up the phone before he had the chance to say anything else.

"Bella is it?"

I nodded.

"Are you sure you're looking for me?"

Yeah, I was pretty sure. He looked like Jake and kind of sounded like him. He was just smaller than I remembered.

"Are there any more Jacob Blacks around here?" I asked.

"Well…my grandpa."

"Your grandpa?"

"Yeah, his name is Jacob Black too. I was named after him."

I perked up at that. Maybe Jacob hadn't stayed a werewolf, maybe he had lived his life and now had a grandchild that looked scary similar to him. He seemed to pick up on my change in mood.

"So is your grandpa…"

"He's still alive if that's what you're asking."

"Can I….can I see him?"

"How old are you?" he asked suddenly. I supposed he thought it was strange that I thought he was his grandpa.

"Older than I look."

He studied me for a moment, and then shrugged. "Okay. But you'd have to be really old to think I was him. My dad says I look a lot like grandpa when he was younger."

He looked over his shoulder and called out to the other boys that he was going home. They were all still staring at me. Jacob led me back up the beach and then to a house that I knew very well.

"He still lives here?" I asked.

He nodded. "All his life. My dad grew up here too." He opened the door. "Grandpa," he called as we walked through the house. "You have a guest."

"In here," I heard a voice say.

We walked into the kitchen. A man was standing at the sink with his back to us. He was tall, taller than the average man his age, and lean. He turned to face us and the moment I saw his dark eyes I knew. This was my Jacob. His face was wrinkled and his hair was grey, but his eyes were the same. He crinkled his brow as he looked at me. I wondered if he would still remember who I was.

"Bella?"

--

**A/N- Review and let me know what you think. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- See first chapter.**

**--**

"Tell me again why you wanted me to come on this little adventure."

I looked over at Rosalie.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Alice couldn't come and I just thought…"

"You wanted a female companion." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah," I admitted. "I guess I figured you would understand; more so than the guys."

She smiled and turned her eyes back to the road. I wondered what she was thinking. The look on her face told me there were unspoken words on her lips. I watched her beautiful face carefully as her smile turned into a frown.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," I said trying to sound nonchalant but secretly eager to hear what she had to say.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

Why did everyone keep asking me that? That wasn't what I had expected; although really I should have. She was the one to give me the long speech about how she wished that she could be human again.

"Of course I'm sure." I said the words more harshly than intended. Maybe it was the irritation building in me from all the doubt people were throwing my way.

"You don't have to get angry. I just wanted to make sure. Edward is like a brother to me. I don't want him to get hurt."

"He's not going to get hurt." I was slightly offended that she thought I would ever hurt Edward.

"Well, you can't blame me for being concerned. We are driving across the country to find another boy. And a dog at that."

"We are not driving all the way across the country and Jacob and I are just friends."

"Who are in love with each other."

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I wanted to deny it. I wanted to yell and scream to the world that it wasn't true. But I couldn't.

"I'm not judging you. I just want you to make the right decision."

"And I guess the right decision would be to stay human?" I asked her.

"I didn't say that." Her face was still as calm as ever and that irritated me even more.

"But it's what you meant. That's what you've always wanted isn't it? For me to have the life you never got to have. Well, what if I don't want that life? What if I want to be a vampire?" I asked angrily.

"Then that's what you should do. But there's nothing wrong with thinking about choosing a different path."

"I'm not thinking about choosing a different path. I just want to find my friend and bring him home."

I turned my head to look out the window. That was all I wanted…wasn't it? I just wanted him to come home. But not for me. For Billy and Embry and Quill. Not to mention Sam and the others. Not for me. Definitely not for me. And if she was going to spend the whole time accusing me of having other intentions then why the hell had she even agreed to come with me?

"You asked me to come," she said as if she reading my mind.

"I never would have if I'd have known you'd spend the whole time trying to talk me out of marrying Edward."

"That's not what I'm trying to do. I just don't want you to let your feelings for him cloud your decision making. Bella, you have to understand something. When you become a vampire there is no guarantee that you will still be you. And I'm not saying you won't still love him after you're dead, but there is a chance."

She seemed really serious now and it made me wonder. We had never really talked about the fact that there could be a chance that my feelings for Edward would change; most of it due to the fact that I was pretty sure that they wouldn't. I couldn't imagine never feeling this way towards him. It was impossible. So Rosalie was wrong, and I knew I was doing the right thing. And I would prove it to her.

"I know the consequences and I'm willing to take a chance," I told her. "I love him more than anything and I know that won't change."

She shrugged as if my words meant little to her. "Okay."

It was all she said, and even though it sounded like she was giving in, like she believed me, there was still a part of me that wasn't sure she really did. Could it be the fact that my voice seemed to falter a bit when I said those words? Or could it be the fact that even as I said them a part of me doubted their truth?

My eyes watched the trees pass by. How had my life gotten so complicated in less than two years? I knew that moving to Forks would be life changing, but I had never really known how much. I had let myself fall in love with two people and even though I had made my decision it still felt like it wasn't over. There was still something there with Jake and I couldn't just ignore it forever.

I looked down at the bracelet on my arm. It was probably one of my most prized possessions now. I ran my finger over the small wooden werewolf and then began to feel nauseous. I held it up and noticed for the first time that the little diamond heart was gone.

"Will you excuse us, Jake?"

The boy nodded at looked at me once more before leaving. He was probably still trying to figure out how exactly I knew his grandpa. It was still strange how similar he looked to the Jacob that I knew. It made me wonder if Billy had looked like that when he was younger.

I turned my gaze back to the old man in front of me. He was studying me carefully. It seemed like forever before he spoke.

"It's been a long time," he said.

"Yeah, it has."

His eyes met mine and for a moment I could see my Jacob standing there with his dark hair pulled back wearing only his sweat pants and my favorite smile.

"How have you been?" he asked me.

"Fine." Half a century had not broken me from using the most popular response to that question.

"That's good to hear."

"What about you? How have you been?"

"I've been alright." He was still looking at me with a slightly strange expression.

"Well, you look good," I told him.

"You look the same."

I smiled at his joke and he cracked a smile of his own. A sudden crash from outside the window caught my attention.

"That's just my grandson," he said. "He and his buddies remind me of myself when I was their age. They're always getting into some kind of trouble. It's a good thing they never changed into wolves. I would hate to see what that bunch would do with enhanced abilities."

I turned my gaze back to him. "They're not…"

"No. There's no need for them to be. No vampires."

I noticed how he didn't use the word bloodsucker anymore. I wondered if that was because of me or if it just seemed childish to him now.

"I hope that me being here doesn't affect them."

"I think they'll be fine."

He walked towards me and for a moment I thought he was going to hug me. Instead he walked past me and sat down at the kitchen table.

"I hope you don't mind but an old man needs to sit from time to time."

"No, of course."

He motioned for me to sit and I complied.

"So, Bella, tell me about yourself."

It took us two days to find him. And in those two days I had yet to find the charm. Rosalie had assured me it probably fell off at home and that we would find it when we got back. I felt exceptionally guilty that I had lost it. It wasn't the cost that bothered me. It wouldn't even put a small dent in the Cullen's bank account, but it was the fact Edward had given it to me and the meaning behind it.

Jacob had at first refused to cooperate with us. I had followed him into the woods in the area and almost gotten myself trampled. I also managed to nearly break my ankle while trying to chase him, all the while complaining that if I were a vampire already catching a werewolf would be no problem. Luckily his concern for me had taken over and he'd morphed back into human form to check on me. By that point Rosalie had found us and practically yelled at me for taking off by myself. But it was better than silence. The only thing Jacob had said to me was 'are you alright' and he had refused to look me in the eyes.

Rosalie had taken me to the hotel room we had rented and forced me to lie in bed with ice on my ankle.

"But I have to talk to him."

"You told him where to find you. If he wanted to talk he would have been here by now."

I folded my arms across my chest and did my best to make an annoyed sound though I knew she was right. Quill had been right. He didn't want to see me or talk to me. And now it seemed that there was no way I could force him to do so. If he didn't want to see me then the odds were not in my favor.

Rosalie groaned when her phone rang. "Great. Now I have to tell Edward I let you get injured a week before your wedding." She made a quiet growling sound before answering. "Hello. Yes, we're fine. Bella twisted her ankle pretty bad. I made her lie down." She continued talking but went into the bathroom and closed the door. Whatever she was saying to whoever was on the line she obviously didn't want me to hear it.

I tried to be a quiet as I could and listen but I couldn't hear anything. Being human was sucking more and more everyday. I looked over at the night stand to get the remote. At least I could watch TV. But it wasn't there. No, it was on the other side of the room next to the TV. That was highly unhelpful. I was about to make an attempt to retrieve it when I heard a knock at the door.

Rosalie was instantly there pulling it open. I hadn't even heard the bathroom door open. She looked a bit surprised to see Jacob standing there. When I saw that it was him I felt a rush of relief wash over me. He had come to see me, and no matter what the reason I would take full advantage of it. I moved quickly to the side of the bed and stood on my good foot.

"Hey Jake."

He didn't say anything. He only moved his gaze from Rosalie to me and back again. When neither of them made an attempt to move I hopped forward. Rosalie came to my side and caught me before I fell over.

"You should sit down, Bella."

I shook my head. I was determined to get to Jacob. I needed to touch him, make sure he was real.

"Sit," she ordered and I had no choice but to comply. "He's here. You don't have to be standing to talk to him."

I nodded and she let go of my arm, seemingly satisfied that I wouldn't attempt to stand again. I looked back at the door noticing that Jacob hadn't moved.

"Come in," I said. He took a few steps forward.

"What are you doing here, Bella?"

His voice sounded almost cold and I shuddered. "Sitting apparently," I replied.

"That's not what I meant." His face was still serious.

"I know," I said, "Actually, I came to see you. I was hoping…"

"What's she doing here?" He was glaring at Rosalie.

"She came to make sure nothing happened to me while I was looking for you. You know how unlucky I am." I attempted a smile.

"Lot of good it did," he said with a glance at my leg.

Rosalie made a sound of annoyance but I ignored them both and continued.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

"No."

"Please," I all but begged.

His eyes shifted to the girl beside me.

"You wanna talk to me, get the bloodsucker out of here." The two of them shared a look.

"I'll wait outside," Rosalie said.

"No," I started. Jacob was being unreasonable. At least I hadn't brought Edward with me.

"It's fine. I'll be close." She cast another look at him before leaving.

After the door closed I turned towards Jacob.

"Jake?" I asked.

He made a noise but kept his eyes on the door. It sounded almost like growling. I knew he was still angry about me being here.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to come home," I pleaded.

"Not gonna happen."

"Jacob please. You're dad needs you…the pack needs you."

"They'll be fine."

"Well, will you at least look at me?"

He was being exceptionally frustrating. If he could only see the pleading look on my face maybe he would understand. He waited a moment longer before slowly turning to face me.

"Talk to me," I begged.

"And say what?"

"Anything. I came all this way and now I'm injured, which, no surprise there, but…"

"What the hell were you thinking?" he demanded suddenly. "You don't chase a werewolf, Bella. That's a good way to get yourself killed. And as much as you seem to want that, I don't wanna be the one to make it happen."

His sudden outburst caught me a little off-guard.

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have had to chase you if you weren't being such a child." I regretted the words as soon as I saw the hurt look on his face.

He recovered quickly though and his face was hard again. "So that's what you think of me? That I'm a child?"

"No, that's not what I meant. It's just…you're being very stubborn and it's frustrating."

"Sorry I'm such a burden to you. But I didn't ask you to come here. In fact I think I clearly told Sam for everyone to leave me alone. In case you weren't aware, that everyone includes you."

"Jake please. Do we have to fight about this?" After the long day I'd had I really wanted nothing more than to crawl back in this bed and sleep. The last thing I wanted was to fight. I was too tired.

"Maybe we do."

The way he was looking at me made me feel like all of this was my fault. Like I was the cause of all of his pain and suffering. And maybe I was, but he'd been the one to leave. I had come a hundred miles to find him and now he didn't want to do anything but fight with me.

"You're the one who ran away here, not me," I yelled at him.

"And why do you think that is, Bella?" he shot back.

'You,' my brain yelled at me. 'He left because of you…and Edward…and the wedding.' Not to mention the letter he'd received with the invitation. He probably thought Edward was trying to rub our engagement in his face.

"The letter," I replied softly.

His face softened a bit. "No, not just the letter."

He sighed and sat down beside me on the bed.

"What do you want me to say?"

What did I want him to say? I wanted him to say that he was okay and that he would come back home. But it wasn't fair to expect that. It wasn't fair for me to demand that he be alright so I could get married without guilt hanging over me.

"I tried to be okay with it, but I couldn't. I don't want you to die. I don't want you to be like them."

I never should have expected him to be okay with it; to just accept it and not try to prevent it. He was a werewolf, and as so, vampires were his mortal enemy.

"So how can I stay?" he continued, "How can I be that close to you when I know what you're about to do? When everything inside of me is screaming at me to stop it?"

He closed his eyes as if fighting back tears.

"I've never felt this way about anyone and I really don't know what to do. Running seemed like the best option."

His eyes opened and he looked at me. I thought about saying something, but knew I should let him finish, put all of his thoughts out there.

"At first I thought everything would be okay, that it would work itself out. And then when it didn't, when Edward came back and you ran back to him, I thought maybe I should fight for you. I thought I could make you see that I was who you belonged with. It took me a while to realize that I was fighting for someone who didn't even want me."

"Jake…" I started but he interrupted me.

"I guess I should have known it would end up like this. Maybe I did and didn't want to admit it to myself. I just thought that if I proved you loved me that maybe you would change your mind. I never meant to hurt you or make you feel obligated to be my friend."

"I don't feel obligated to be your friend. I want to do that." I had to make him understand that he did mean a lot to me. "And I know that things are gonna be different after the…wedding." I didn't know why I still had problems with that word. "But you will always be the best friend that I ever had."

He smiled slightly.

"I'd better be."

I reached out and took his hand. "You know that I love you."

"But it's not enough. I'm a winner at a losing game here. You love me, but not enough to be with me. So I'm the one stuck with all of these feelings and I don't…" he broke off and suddenly seemed to find the carpet very interesting. He began unconsciously rubbing circles on the back of my hand. "Tell me what to do."

"I wish I could. I wish I knew what the right thing was for you, but I don't. I wish I could look into the future and tell you that we were both going to be alright. And I wish this wasn't so hard."

"I wish the world was normal, like it should be. Where eclipses pass and the sun remains."

I felt my own tears begin to form. If only the world was normal. I would have been sent to live with my father, but instead of falling for a vampire it would have been Jacob; ordinary, human Jacob. And things would be so much simpler. But I still couldn't imagine a world without Edward and ergo my problem.

His eyes met mine once again but held them this time. I could see my own confusion and fear mirroring in them. And I couldn't look away. It seemed like an eternity passed while we sat there, neither able to move.

And then he was kissing me. And I was kissing him back. There was small voice in my head telling me I shouldn't be doing this, but his lips seemed to silence it. My arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. When his hands made contact with the skin at the small of my back I felt a shiver run through my body. I told myself I wouldn't let this happen again and here I was, giving into it. And it felt good. Better than it should. His lips were like fire and I could feel the heat down to the tips of my toes.

And in that moment I started to realize something. Everything seemed to fall into place. Something he'd said had stuck out in my mind. _Eclipses pass, the sun remains. _The missing charm…the reason I had problems with the wedding.

I was really and truly in love with him, and there was a part of me that still wanted that life. I wanted to have a family and grow old. I wanted to always be me. And for the first time, I was afraid to die. I pulled myself closer to him in hopes that he could help take some of that fear away.

After a few more moments, he pulled back. At first I whimpered at the loss of contact. Then his hand came up to cup my face.

"I miss you," he said placing his forehead against mine.

"I miss you," I replied still unable to think clearly.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I wish it didn't feel like this."

"Me too."

His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me to him. I happily complied by wrapping mine around his midsection. I felt his body's warmth and suddenly realized that I was cold. I snuggled closer.

My recent revelation was still fresh on my brain. I was afraid and with Jacob gone my fear had increased. I had just been too stubborn to admit it to myself. But now it was out there in the open. I was still sure that Edward and I belonged together, but I was scared of taking that leap. Giving up my life, my future as a mother, was harder than I imagined. And I was afraid of what Renee and Charlie would say when they discovered what I had done. And the worst part was, I needed my best friend to assure me that everything would be alright, and he couldn't.

"I'm scared," I said quietly.

He rubbed a hand up and down my back.

"I hope so."

I stiffened a bit and he laughed lightly.

"I just mean that you should be. You're only human, Bella. Humans get scared from time to time. And this is a big thing you're doing here. But…" he paused as if trying to find the right words, or maybe getting the courage to say them, "…if you really love him, and it seems like you do, and if he really loves you then you don't have to be scared. Maybe things won't go exactly like you want them to, but as long as you follow your heart everything will work out."

I almost couldn't believe what he had just said to me. Had he really just given me his blessing?

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that if he makes you happy then that's all that matters."

"He does. But are you sure I'm not crazy? Wanting to be dead, that's insane right?"

"A little bit," he admitted with another chuckle.

I attempted a smile of my own. "What about you? Are you…gonna be okay?"

He tightened his grip on me. "I love you," he said. "More than anything. But I guess we're just not meant for each other in this world."

"No," I mumbled against his chest.

"But that's okay. Maybe it took kissing you again to make me realize that, but now I know. It's gonna be alright. Whatever happens I think we'll both be alright."

Relief washed over me in waves. I didn't think I'd been that glad to hear someone say it would be okay before.

"So, they really miss me, huh?" he asked.

"Everyone," I said pulling back to look at him.

"I guess I should get back then. Wouldn't want to leave the pack without its most valuable member."

"Let's go then."

I took his hand in mine.

"Okay, but we should probably wait until tomorrow. It's late, you need to rest."

He gave my hand a squeeze. "I'll just go." He started to pull away but I did my best to yank him back.

"Wait. Stay with me?" I asked.

"What about uhh…" he looked towards the door.

"She'll be fine. She doesn't sleep anyway."

He nodded and smiled as he lay down beside me. I curled up in his arms and in no time I could feel sleep overtaking me. And for once I knew I would be able to sleep because now I was sure of everything. I may not be entirely ready for marriage and immortality, but I was ready to spend my life with Edward. Now that Jake and I had come to an understanding everything was much easier. We loved each other and always would, but we would also move on with our own lives and leave the past where it belonged. He would be my best friend for as long as I lived, even if that was forever.

We talked for what seemed like hours. I told him all about the places I had been and the people I'd seen. He was also curious about what the transition was like from human to undead.

"What about you?" I asked.

"I've been alright."

The next question I had for him was a hard one and I was almost afraid to ask it. Clearly he had at least been intimate with someone or he wouldn't have a grandson, but had he really been happy? I wasn't sure that I wanted to know.

"She passed away about five years ago," he said surprising me.

Off of my look he added, "I could tell there was something you didn't want to ask me. I assumed that's what it was."

I nodded. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. We had a great life together." He looked reminiscent for a moment.

"I guess I really should thank you," he said. "If you hadn't broken my heart I would have never met Maggie."

I laughed lightly. "Glad I could help."

"She was a wonderful woman, and a great mother. I loved her very much."

"I'm glad…that you're happy, and that you've had a good life."

"Me too. You know there was a time when I thought I wouldn't get the chance to be truly happy. But as time passed I realized that whether or not you were the one, I had to get on with my life."

"And was I?" I wondered. "The one I mean."

"At the time, yes. You were my soulmate, Bella. But life took us down separate paths. Do you remember what we talked about? That if the world were a normal place with no vampire and werewolves that we would be together."

I nodded. Of course I remembered.

"I believe that, with all my heart. And I'm still here for you if you ever need anything. I'll always be here." He paused. "Well, for another couple of years anyway." He chuckled and I felt a smile form on my own lips.

After a moment he looked at me seriously.

"I do still love you, Bella."

"I still love you, too, Jake. No number of years could ever change that."

He reached across the table and took my hand in his. His hand was quite a bit different than the last time I held it, but the touch was still familiar. And I had to admit that I had missed it. I had missed him. It was just a shame that I had not come back sooner.

We talked for a little longer before Jacob began yawning.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It's past my bedtime."

The clock on the wall revealed that it was almost midnight. I hadn't realized how late it was.

"I should probably get going," I said.

He looked like he was about to protest but didn't.

"I suppose you're right."

He stood up slowly and walked me to the door.

"It was nice to see you again, Bella."

"Yeah, I'm glad I came."

He opened his arms and I moved to hug him.

"You still my Jacob?" I asked.

"Always."

When we parted I gave his hand a squeeze.

"I'll see you again," I promised.

"I'll be here."

With a last wave goodbye I headed back towards the road feeling a lot better than I had the last few months. I was glad I had come to see him, and even more glad that he was healthy and happy.

As I neared the end of the driveway I laughed to myself. I could hear voices from the door that if not for my enhanced senses I probably would have missed.

"Grandpa, who _was_ that?"

"A friend."

"I liked her. Is she coming back?"

"She's too old for you."

The door closed and I quickly made my way to the car. Once inside I started it up and pulled onto the road. It was time to head home. I couldn't help but think that a part of me would always consider this place home. One thing was for sure, I would never forget it. I would have to come back and visit again soon if for only one reason.

Though older and wiser, Jacob was still the best friend I'd ever had and I would always love him.

THE END

--


End file.
